Tag: Pets

Anger and pet ownership

Sometimes, anger gets the best of people. Anger is a powerful emotion, and it’s difficult for many people to control. One area I see anger impacting is pet ownership. I’ve seen people giving away their pets out of anger that the pet isn’t trained properly. I’ve read articles about people who killed their pets for not being house trained.

Most of the time, anger at a pet doesn’t resort in something drastic. Maybe someone “pops” their dog for jumping, even though they know that hitting animals is not the best way to train them. Maybe they yell at a new puppy for chewing a shoe while they were at work. Many people are angry with their spouse or child for not taking care of a pet that was supposed to be their responsibility.

While I’m not an expert, this is my advice for dealing with anger as a pet owner.

The first step is to admit that you’re angry. You may need to admit that to yourself, spouse, or child. No problem can be solved before it is acknowledged.

Next, control your first impulse. It may be screaming, blaming, or physical violence. People must realize that giving in to their impulses in a fit of rage isn’t going to make things better. As a high school teacher and youth leader, I’ve listened to a lot of teens (boys, especially) tell me that punching walls or trees makes them feel better. The fact is: that isn’t true. It may be true for a fleeting moment, but the pain it causes them and those around them will last much longer than the temporary release that giving in to anger provides. Learning to deal with anger in a healthy way will provide both quick relief and long-term solutions. If this step seems impossible, it may be time to talk to a professional about dealing with anger.

Finally, ask for help. Help may come from a professional, friend, or spouse. If the stress of caring for a pet is too much and a pet owner feels angry often, a discussion needs to happen. Unless someone lives alone and bears sole responsibility for an animal, one person shouldn’t be taking the dog out every time, scooping the litter every time, feeding the pets every time, buying pet food every time, and also taking the pet to the vet every time. Work with your household to make sure everyone is taking care of some part of their responsibility every day.

(One way to take some work out of pet ownership is to order food, litter, and other supplies from Chewy.com. They have free shipping on orders over $49, a discount for autoship, and a wide variety of pet supplies. If you use my link, I earn a commission at no cost to you.)

Remember that a pet behaves according to its instincts and training. Try not to place blame on your fur baby. It’s normal to “lose your cool” every once in a while, but if you find yourself abusing an animal out of anger, please seek help. For more common situations, where the pet is not in danger, seeking the help of a trainer may be in order. If a pet’s behavior is out of control, training the pet can bring peace back to a household.

Take a deep breath and make a plan for dealing with anger in a healthy way. Feel free to comment with feedback or advice that has helped you.

“Rehoming” Pets: The Guilt-Free Euphemism Plaguing the Nation

All too often, I encounter humans “rehoming” their pets.

Let’s be honest about the word “rehoming:” it means that someone is giving away or selling their pet instead of providing a forever home. I am not a fan of renaming something to make someone feel less guilty about their actions.

A euphemism is “the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant,” according to Merriam-Webster.

Giving away or selling (the term “rehoming fee” isn’t fooling anyone) an animal that was supposed to be a pet is something that used to be met with some degree of guilt or shame. The root of “rehoming” is the pleasant “home,” which serves to make the euphemism seem less harsh than “getting rid of my family member.” Does my tone sound harsh? I hope it does. These humans need a wake-up call. Giving away animals can place them in an unsafe home. Charging a “rehoming fee” does not mean that the animal will not be neglected or abused, contrary to a popular social media delusion. The best way to ensure your pet is never abused is to keep it and care for it for its entire natural life. Like you promised to do. When you adopted it.

I am not complaining about people who foster animals. Foster homes are an important way animal shelters reduce their kill rates or increase their intake and adoption rates. There’s a difference between agreeing to hold a pet until it can find a home and adopting a pet. Foster pet parents are doing a hard job. Kudos to them. I’ll write about them some day.

I am writing about humans who commit to care for an animal and then fail that animal. I see chronic “pet rehomers” who are constantly accepting free animals, then turning around and selling them. I know people who can’t commit to anything who constantly adopt puppies and give them away once they graduate the puppy stage. I see people who can’t take responsibility for their actions constantly changing their mind about which pet they want, at the expense of their previous pets.

People who are giving away their pets often have very similar reasons (hereafter referred to as “excuses”) for why “it just didn’t work out:”

  1. My significant other doesn’t like the pet
  2. We just don’t have enough time for them
  3. The pet got too large
  4. The pet is too dirty and/or not potty trained
  5. I suddenly have a medical excuse for giving away the pet that I miraculously did not have or completely ignored before I committed to caring for the pet
  6. The pet is destroying things
  7. The pet is a threat to my children’s safety

All these excuses are terrible for the following reasons:

  1. Their significant other was: A) okay with getting the pet, B) not properly involved in the pet adoption process, or C) preceded by the pet. In which case: A) they need to take responsibility for their choices, B) their relationship lacks communication and giving away their pet isn’t going to magically fix it; they have work to do and better start talking to each other instead of giving their pet away, or C) they’re better off getting rid of the significant other than the pet.
  2. They knew how much time they had when they got the pet. All future decisions that impact how much free time they have should be made with the knowledge that they are responsible for a pet.
  3. If they couldn’t predict the future size of a pet, a vet could have. If they neither did research nor took the pet to a veterinarian, they were being pretty bad owners.
  4. Pets are messy. Everyone should go into the pet adoption process with that knowledge. Dogs need to be potty trained. Cat and rabbit litter boxes needs to be cleaned. For other animals, the cage or aquarium will need to be cleaned.
  5. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen someone who is allergic to cats take in a cat, deal with the symptoms for a while, then “rehome” the cat. I’ve seen people do the same thing when they know their kid is allergic to dogs. I personally am allergic to dogs and cats. I own two dogs and a cat. I have very rarely, at any point in my life, not owned a critter. I have been hospitalized for pneumonia and bronchitis and sinus infections and asthma attacks that were probably all pet-related. I have never (not ONE time in my ENTIRE life) “rehomed” an animal I was allergic to. I knew I had the allergy when I got the pet, and it is my responsibility to take care of my health (take my meds, go to doctors, see allergy specialists) AND my pets. People with allergies should not get pets. As my dad would say, “if you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.” I choose to be dumb, so I tough it out. (One day I’ll write a blog post about living with pets and allergies and give you all my advice on that subject.)
  6. Adopting a pet means taking responsibility for training that animal. Young pets, untrained pets, or pets in a new environment may be destructive. They need training, not to be yelled at, hit, and given away (to the next person who will yell at them, hit them, and give them away.)
  7. Don’t adopt a pet if it may put your child’s safety at risk. Don’t have a child if your animal will be a danger to that child. I’m gonna say this again, slowly: Adopting a pet… means taking responsibility… for training… that animal. Pets must be trained so that they don’t show aggression towards other animals, adult humans, or children. Even if an animal isn’t aggressive, they must be trained so that they won’t hurt other animals or humans. They must be trained not to bite. They must be trained not to jump. They must be trained not to scratch. They must be trained to not knock people over.

I am not advocating for shaming humans who tried and failed at pet parenting. Some humans are just not cut out for pet ownership. Others face truly drastic circumstances. What I am calling for is education before adoption. Too many people are lulled into a false sense of confidence and go into pet adoption completely unprepared. This results in “rehoming” and is bad for pets, humans, and society as a whole.

Humans should do their research before adopting a pet, and the people who allow the adoption should hold them to that. Animal shelters, rescues, and pet stores should not make pet ownership out to be easy. We must stop the idea that anyone can own a dog. We must fight against the idea that every home should have a pet. We must accept the fact that not all humans are capable of providing loving homes to animals. We must screen possible adopters before they become “rehomers.”

If we want to see less pets being given away or sold over silly excuses, we must educate people on the reality of pet ownership. We must do a better job of getting pets into their “furever homes.” We can’t settle for placing a pet with anyone willing to open their home. We need to have honest conversations with possible adopters. We need to ask them their experience with this breed. We need to ask them how much time they can devote to training the dog. We need to ask them if they’re allergic to cats, or if their children are allergic to them. Finally, if we know a human has a history of giving away and selling animals they adopted, we need to stop giving them animals. Sometimes humans have really good intentions, but their lifestyle just isn’t conducive to pet ownership.

If you’re thinking about adopting a pet, that’s great! I invite you to research the type of pet you think you’re interested in. Are you ready to potty train a puppy? Are you prepared for the vet bill that will come after your new cat is spayed? Do you know what to feed a rabbit, and how often? Do you know what species of bird will best fit the dynamic of your home? The internet is one way to find answers, but some of the best information will come from veterinarians, trainers, or other pet owners.

Education isn’t a foolproof way to ensure that no more pets are given away, but I think it’s a great place to start.

Edit: I wrote about pet allergies, as promised: https://pets.poetry.blog/2019/01/26/living-with-pet-allergies/